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Did You Know: 

Growth spurts can start as early as 10 days after your baby’s birth.  Growth spurts usually are preceded by a sleepy, lethargic day and a big jump in appetite.  Growth spurts may happen again at 3, 6, and 12 weeks and again at 4 and 6 months.  If you begin to notice that your child is not as satisfied with the amount that you have been feeding her previously, then she may be beginning a growth spurt period.  If you are breastfeeding, you may want to add a feeding or two to satiate your baby’s appetite and to help increase milk production.

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Free Question & Answers for Online Parents

Q: Dear Ron

My husband and I have been married almost 6 years; we have a 5-year-old daughter. My husband works 8 to 12 hours 5 days a week and once a month is on call for 5 days, I stay at home and raise our daughter. My question is should I feel guilty for expecting him to spend time with our daughter and maybe take over some of the bedtime rituals? As it stands now, I bathe her, help her with her teeth, read to her, scratch her back and deal with all the complaints. I also have to keep her occupied while I am cooking and cleaning up after dinner as well as keep her occupied all day long. By the time bedtime comes I am exhausted and my temper is on edge. My husband either plays a computer game or does other things online, when he gets home. Am I wrong to expect a little help or is that too much to ask? I really need some help with this question.

Signed,

Single but Married

A: Dear Single but Married,

The family structure you are describing is called "Traditional" in American society. It is traditional in that this has been, in the past, the normal role for husbands and wives. Traditionally, the man earns the living and does the yard work while the wife takes on the children and housework. This is fine if everyone agrees to it. But it is problematic if they do not.

My guess is that your husband was raised in a traditional home and expects your home to be run the same way. Many men can’t see the inequity in their roles and feel the wife has it great as she gets to "stay home" all day. I got the opportunity, on a couple of different occasions, to stay home with the children and let me tell you that staying home is harder than going to work outside the home. Truthfully, there shouldn’t be any comparisons between the two jobs, as they are as different as night and day. Each has its unique stresses and joys.

Therefore, stay away from arguments about "who has it tougher." This will get you no where fast. Instead, discuss more equitable arrangements when your husband is home. Frame the discussion around your child’s need for his involvement. Suggest they go get an ice cream or right bikes to the park. This would allow you some free time alone. Grease the negotiations by validating his tough job and offering to let him have the first hour to himself when he comes home. It is tough to transition from one place to another and this will put him in a better frame of mind to interact with your daughter.

If this fails, you will have to take stronger measures. State your needs and wants assertively. Give him a list of responsibilities. And tell him you are going out for a little mental health break and will be back in one or two hours. Then go take care of yourself. Drastic, I know, but necessary if you are to create a more workable parenting relationship. Remember the goal is not "who's in control" but finding a balance.

Blessings,

Ron

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