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Did You Know: 

Growth spurts can start as early as 10 days after your baby’s birth.  Growth spurts usually are preceded by a sleepy, lethargic day and a big jump in appetite.  Growth spurts may happen again at 3, 6, and 12 weeks and again at 4 and 6 months.  If you begin to notice that your child is not as satisfied with the amount that you have been feeding her previously, then she may be beginning a growth spurt period.  If you are breastfeeding, you may want to add a feeding or two to satiate your baby’s appetite and to help increase milk production.

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Free Question & Answers for Online Parents

Q: Dear Ron,

My husband and his former wife adopted two children while they were married. My husband divorced the former wife about eight years ago. Their two children have been nothing but trouble since well before the divorce. Now, I have a twenty-year-old and sixteen-year-old step son. Fortunately they do not live with us. However, my husband and I have a child of our own, biologically and emotionally. My husband constantly wrestles with guilt because he is much more attached to his biological son. In response to his guilt, he is very passive in the discipline department. So is his former wife. The twenty year old is living on his own, going from job to job and possibly committing felonies. The sixteen-year-old is currently in the "Boy's Ranch," dealing with his drug abuse and sociopathic behaviors.

These boys are resentful of me and of my new son. I have tried since I have known them, to establish a relationship. They have in turn lied and manipulated at every turn. Now that I have a child of my own to raise, I don't want either of the stepsons near him. I am afraid first of all that they will act out their jealousy on him and I also do not want them to have any influence on him due to their behavior. I have finally taken a stand and I refuse to allow either of the older boys to "sleep over." They can only be here if their father is here and he must never, ever, leave them alone with our son. I sound like a mean stepmother, but I feel that my priority is this child I have now. The other boys have their home with their mom and they can spend time with their dad, just not here at the house. Do you think I am the evil step mother? I am truly physically afraid of the older boys, especially with their drug histories.

Thanks for listening

Signed, Fearful

A: Dear Fearful:

If there is a drug problem, you are not over-reacting. Letting them in overnight would be putting your family in unnecessary danger. You can love them and still set firm boundaries in your home.

If this is more about "yours, mine and ours" than, yes, you are being mean -- to your biological child and to your stepchildren. Be clear, to all and yourself, about why you are doing what your are doing. It communicates an important and serious message to all the children. Also, it is easy to get into relationships with "passive" people, especially if we are dominant personalities.

Let your husband stand up and speak up with his two older children. He needs to take the lead in this area, not you.

Blessings,

Ron Huxley, LMFT

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