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Did You Know: 

Growth spurts can start as early as 10 days after your baby’s birth.  Growth spurts usually are preceded by a sleepy, lethargic day and a big jump in appetite.  Growth spurts may happen again at 3, 6, and 12 weeks and again at 4 and 6 months.  If you begin to notice that your child is not as satisfied with the amount that you have been feeding her previously, then she may be beginning a growth spurt period.  If you are breastfeeding, you may want to add a feeding or two to satiate your baby’s appetite and to help increase milk production.

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Free Question & Answers for Online Parents

Q: Dear Ron

My girlfriend has twin 4-year-old girls. She was
divorced about a year ago and since then, she and the
girls have slept together. I have told her that I
don't think this is good for them but she says it
makes her feel good. I have talked to other parents
and they all agree this is not a good idea. If this
really is not a good thing can you tell me why and
maybe give me links to research that shows this is
bad. On a side note they also go to bed when she does
which is typically between 9:30 and 10:30 at night.

Curious about the family bed

 

A: Dear Curious,

Without knowing the details of your girlfriend’s divorce, it sounds like she is still hurting emotionally from the separation. A year is not a long time to grief the loss of a relationship, especially with two young children. The "other parents" fears about this behavior being damaging to the children appears related to the fact that your girlfriend is using them to meet her own needs which is unhealthy for the children in the long-term. In the short-term, I seriously doubt there are will be any harm done. It also appears that your girlfriend is having a difficult time setting limits with the children - not an uncommon problem for single parents.

The best thing you can do for your girlfriend and her children is to support her emotionally. I wouldn’t put a moral judgment on her behavior by labeling it as "bad." Criticizing her will only deepen the hurt she is feeling. She is more likely to change her behavior by focusing on her strengths (what she is doing right) versus looking at her weaknesses (what she is doing wrong). By doing this you will automatically correct any weaknesses she may have.

Although you didn’t ask the question, I feel I should give you some advice on your role in this relationship. You need to be careful about your level of involvement. Unless you are ready to make a commitment to this family, you need to be clear about your boundaries, especially if the father is still in the picture. If your relationship with your girlfriend turns sour, you could inadvertently create more pain and loss for the twins and their mother. Besides, the twins will continue to need their biological father, if he is willing and available to be there for them. The girls can be easily confused with two "dad’s" in their lives. Take it slow and be sure about your decision. It is a big responsibility and this family doesn’t need to experience more loss.

Blessings,

Ron

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