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Welcome to part 2. Our modern-day tale of the great, great grandson of Sherlock Holmes continues as Dr. Holmes helps Ms. Watson "fight" her anger. Put yourself in her shoes and let the deductive reasoning skills of the worlds greatest detective help you!

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"The Fight of Your Life": A Sherlockian Adventure in Anger Management 

By Ron Huxley, LMFT

"Elementary, my dear Watson."
- Sherlock Holmes 

The driver rolled down the power window that separated him from the passenger in the backseat. "Mrs. Watson, we're here." He paused for a moment as if unsure of himself but continued, "Are you sure this is the correct address, ma'am?" Mrs. Watson was not sure how to answer the driver. Normally, she would have been upset by his question, but not today. Truthfully, she wondered the same thing. Through the tinted limousine window she saw an old, rundown building with the name "La Strades' Boxing and Gymnasium" painted in bold black letters above a door plastered with boxing promotion posters. 

"This is the address Mr. Holmes gave me. I don't know why . . . Oh, well. Wait here, please." She stated firmly and bolted out of the door before she could lose her nerve or the driver could make another comment. She didn't want him knowing why she was here. The purpose of her visit was embarrassing enough. She wasn't going to talk about it anymore than she had to. She tried to keep work and personal life separate. An axiom drilled into her head by her late father, the former CEO of Watson Associates. The company she had inherited from her father and was now the CEO.

Stepping onto the sidewalk, she looked both ways as if crossing a major intersection and a truck would come charging down, running her over. With a deep breath, she plunged forward into the building. Once inside, her eyes adjusting to the dark interior and she could make out her surroundings. She had thought that Dr. Holmes would have met her at the door or outside this establishment. Why she was here was a total mystery. Her last session had been in his office. The memory of it was terrifying and alleviating. She had learned the ABC’s of her anger but still needed to know how to deal with it. 
As she peered around the inside of the building, Ms. Watson recalled his words from that first session. Dr. Holmes had told her that being a psychiatrist was a lot like being a detective, like his great, great grandfather was. He had described to her the reasons behind a problem takes a great amount of observation. Not just "looking" he had said but really "seeing."

Dr. Holmes had helped her see that her beliefs or perceptions about a situation made her angry. It wasn’t the situation itself. Another person could have a completely opposite reaction to the exact situation proving that the event was not the cause of one's feelings. Her old thinking had rationalized her blaming everyone else for her problems. If the situation caused the anger, her old line of thought concluded, then it would have been reasonable to blame them or vent her frustration at them. It was this last part that had left so many bodies in her wake. Examining the beliefs behind her anger had forced her to take responsibility for those feelings and their devastating consequences. These consequences drove Mrs. Watson to see Dr. Holmes in the first place.

Noticing a side office, she moved in that direction until she saw a small, thick man arguing with someone on the phone. He had a very heavy British accent and gestured wildly as he spoke. Across from the office she saw a pair of metal doors standing open revealing a large boxing ring. In the ring were muscular, sweating men circling and taking jabs at each other. Not spotting Dr. Holmes, she started to turn around to leave when she heard a voice call her name. 

"Mrs. Watson, so glad you found it!" The voice came from Dr. Holmes who walked briskly around the corner of the boxing ring and over to her to shake her hand. His eyes had that same piercing quality that she remembered. 

"Ah, I see you have reunited with your daughter and taken a short vacation on the west coast. Good for you." Mrs. Watson was visibly taken back. Before she could ask how he knew these details he led her by the elbow back into the main hallway toward the office. "All in due time, Mrs. Watson," was all he said in explanation.

The office was vacant now. There was no sign of the little man with the British accent. "Not exactly the most comfortable office, especially for a psychotherapy session, but I have never been known for relying on traditional methods," Dr. Holmes stated with a large chuckle. "Mr. La Strade will back soon in any event. He is a temperamental man but a man of his word. He owed me a favor and was willing to pay up by letting us use the gym today. Not happy about it, mind you, as he is in the middle of big promotion right now and enjoys yelling into the phone at his suppliers and advertisers. Another person with a venting problem wouldn't you say?" Dr. Holmes had a large smile on his face. 

"Now, you wanted to know how I knew about you and your daughters vacation. Elementary, my dear Watson. Your face appears much more relaxed and healthy than when I last saw you and so I deduced that you had spent some time away from work. Second, your skin color is much darker and could only be the result of spending that time in the sun. The east coast has been plagued with bad weather lately and so that left only the west coast. California perhaps? Doesn't matter. Anyway, your presenting problems during our last meeting were concerning your relationships with your estranged husband and your daughter as a result of your anger. Since you called to set up another appointment, I can deduce two things: You have reconciled with one of those two people and now want to work on issues pertaining to the reconciliation of that relationship. Most fitting." He finished his recitation by crossing his arms and sitting back confident in a squeaky chair.

"You are right about everything, even the vacation to California. I have not taken a vacation in a long time. But how did you know that it was my daughter and not my husband? I could just as easily had gone to California with him as my daughter," Ms. Watson asked.

"Remember I told you that it was important for one to see as well as look? It is in the details that hold the most information about us but that is the place most people fail to look. When I went to shake your hand, I noticed you are still wearing your wedding ring on your right hand and have not placed it back on your left. This tells me you still have hopes for the relationship but not strong ones, else you would wear it on your left." He paused momentarily and then went on, "Is it that relationship that led you to contact me a second time?"

"Yes, I tried calling my ex but he won’t return my messages. I finally went over to his studio. He is a very accomplished sculpture and painter. I thought I could convince him to talk to me or even come to a session with you.” With a sigh, Ms. Watson said, “I am afraid that it ended up in another argument with me leaving in tears." 

Ms. Watson could barely keep herself from tears as she stated this. She looked up at Dr. Watson thinking he would laugh or be critical but instead he appeared very sad and concerned.
"I am very glad I had you come here today. It is exactly what you need and I believe that you are ready. It will be rather painful for you," Dr. Holmes declared, looking at her closely to see if she was open to whatever Dr. Holmes had in mind for the session. Mrs. Watson wasn't sure what to say. "If it will help my husband and I to get back together, I will do whatever you ask." She replied.

"Good, then you are ready. But even the deductive powers of my great, great grandfather cannot tell you if it will get you and your husband together again. It will change your life that I guarantee. Did you bring your gym clothes as I asked? Excellent. Have your driver bring them in, change in Mr. La Strades restroom back there and come into the main gym when you are ready." 

"What am I getting ready for?" queried Ms. Watson. 
Holmes replied simply, "For the fight of your life."
In the main gym, Mrs. Watson saw Dr. Holmes dressed in his own workout clothes, standing in the center of the ring discussing something with Mr. La Strade. As she approached, she noticed that all of the other boxers had gone, leaving the two men and her. But even that soon changed as La Strade threw up his hands in disgust and yelled something about losing time and money. Holmes motioned her into the ring ignoring the complaints of Mr. La Strade.

Once in the ring, she asked, "What am I doing here?"
Placing boxing gloves on her hands and tying the draw tight, he replied: "As I said before, you are here for the fight of your life. The gloves, ring and gym are to help get you in the mood. I am going to ask you to fight like you have never fought before and the outcome will determine the course of your relationships and possibly your career for the rest of your life." Inspecting the gloves he said, "Now sit here in this chair in your corner of the ring."

Mrs. Watson did as she was asked. What else could she do? She needed this person's help but she was definitely out of her element, feeling very out of control. On the other side of the ring was an empty chair. She assumed that Mr. La Strade was going to sit there or maybe even Dr. Holmes. Both were ridiculous, as she was not about to fight anyone. What kind of psychotherapy session was this? She started to tell Dr. Holmes her thoughts when he abruptly pulled out a plastic mouthpiece and placed it in her mouth. This stopped her, literally, from any further conversation.

Mr. Holmes, with a tight-lipped smile, said "Much better! It is very important that you not rely on your old mental defenses. They have come from years of exercise and would interfere with you in dealing with your anger problem. This drama really is necessary if you are to get over this generational problem. Now, Mrs. Watson, I want you to look over there at the empty chair and visualize your father sitting in that chair. He is your opponent. Up to now you have adored him and tried to live up to his expectations. Those expectations or your perceptions of them are the root behind your venting behaviors."

Mrs. Watson didn't know what to say. She was furious for the implication of her father being described as the cause of her anger and relationship problems. Her mother and father had been together till his death although they were never very warm to one another. In fact, she had wondered if they stayed together out of habit instead of love. Spitting the mouthpiece out she stood up sharply and turned toward Dr. Holmes declaring that this was madness and a waste of her time. "My father was a wonderful man and this . . . this . . . exercise is ridiculous. My father is not the cause of my problems," she said loudly.

Dr. Holmes looked at her compassionately, not rattled in the least. "I know this is hard for you. Kindly sit back down. Good, thank you. Now look at the empty chair and try and visualize your father sitting there. I know you carry his face in your mind very clearly. Now, think about how angry you were at him as a child and how you were never allowed to express this anger for fear of his wrath. How you mother did not protect you from his tantrums and military like discipline of you. How you were treated like the son he never had and never acknowledged the gentle, little girl you were. How you ached for his affection and approval but rarely found either. How you followed in his footsteps, even becoming just like him, to be close to him and gain his approval."

As Dr. Holmes talked she did see her father sitting in the empty chair. He had that agitated look on his face that she knew so well. The familiar look of irritation at being bothered by her questions – her seeking for attention. He was always too busy for her. He rarely said anything kind or reassuring. Tears began to stream down her face as she remembered. See tried to brush them away but the boxing gloves only got in the way. She heard Dr. Holmes saying, "Last time I told you that you had to become like a detective to uncover the thoughts and beliefs that fueled your anger. Now you must become like a fighter and dispute your thoughts as childish or irrational. That is another D in the ABC's of anger management. D for detective and dispute. You must dispute those old beliefs' about not being good enough or flawed in some way, unworthy to receive nurturing and love."

Every word was a sharp knife in her gut. They were as true as they were painful. This was why she could not reconcile with her husband. She did not feel herself worthy of that love. Her father became every man she had a relationship with and she realized now that she was trying to get something from him that she didn't and couldn't get from her father. She told Dr. Holmes this and he nodded his head as if he already knew this. Of course he did. That was why he brought her and why she was dressed in these gym clothes, wearing boxing gloves and looking at an empty chair in a boxing ring. "If I was at your office, or mine, I would have just gotten angry and that would have been that," she said.

"Yes, I know. Anger has served you well growing up. It even allowed you to be a successful corporate executive. Anger gives you the energy to survive. Now, you must seek a different strategy if you are to save your relationships or feel satisfied with your life," replied Dr. Holmes.

"But what strategy will I use? I fear I will fall back into this one. It is the only one I know and it has proved so effective. At least till lately," stated Ms. Watson. 

"It will not be easy and you will have to continue fighting although without these gloves I would think. Your new strategy will be to manage, not vent your anger. Anger is a normal emotion with a time and place. You will need to ask forgiveness of your past behavior and make an effort to undue some of the damage you have caused. You will not be able to undo it all. You might not even be able to save your marriage. But forgiveness will be the pathway to start. We will talk more about where you go from there later." With a pull of the boxing ring bell that signals the end of a round, he stated: "You have won the first of many difficult battles. Now, it is time to rest and prepare for the next round. The round where you win back your husband."

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Return to part 1.