Filed under: attachment

Valentine Boxes All Year Round

 

There are many ways to show love for family members. However, in our family, we don't write to each other as much as we talk to each other or do acts of service. So, for one of our family activities we decided to make a family mail system.

 

Outside Mom and Dad's bedroom door we made a family post office. Each of us have our own mail box, with flag to indicate when there is a message we need to pick up.

 

Our family is loving this! I spend moments each day writing love notes my family will want to keep forever, and depositing small gifts into the boxes. Everyone else does the same. My small children come to me and say, “Mom, your flag is up, you better go check your mailbox.”

 

They can't wait for me to see the love notes they have put in my box. “Mom, you are the best mom ever! Love, Londyn”

 

When I read the notes some of the children blush a bit or turn away. They have written things they normally wouldn't say. Really kind, mushy things like, “Mom, I love when you sing me songs.”

 

I think we are really going to love having those mail boxes in the hall to remind us to tell others how much we love and appreciate them.

 

I'm pretty sure these boxes will end up being our fun new Valentine boxes for 2012. This activity is also teaching my children how to write a letter, and why spelling is important.

 

Making A Post Office

 

This is what we did. We ordered small metal mail boxes from Oriental trading for $2 each. Then we decorated them how we wanted to. Then Dad used a long screw and a washer and screwed each one to the wall.

 

Happy Valentines Day! 

 

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Ron Huxley Writes: Daily love notes is an excellent way to keep children engaged and promote strong family connections. What would you put in a note to your child?

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Research articles often have a "duh" factor when it comes to outcomes in various studies. After you read them you think "I could have told you that!" The up side of academic studies is that they point a laser light of attention on areas of life that need attention. Society seems more willing to spend money and time on correcting problems when we draw a big circle around a social problem in the lab.

This was true, for me, of a study on the level of parental insightfulness and maternal depression (see clip below). The findings of the study was that mom's (why do we always study moms!) who were depressed are less likely to be able to see life from the vantage point of their children. This results in less emotional attachment and parenting effectiveness. The obviousness of this research is that mom's or dad's that are depressed are less likely to see much of anything outside of their own internal pain. This isn't a slam on depressed parents. I have experienced it and it isn't purposeful. Depression is usually due to a chemical imbalance and requires professional interventions that may or may not involve medications.

I mention this study on the blog because I want draw a big circle around this issue and say that the long-term effects of a poor attachment between parent and child can have some serious effects on self-esteem and future relationships. I guess this is a call to action for anyone who feels they are depressed, even occasionally. Help yourself and your child by getting some help. There is plenty of help available, from changing diets to clinical therapy. I have found that playing with my child lifts my mood even when I was tired and emotionally down.

"Insightfulness is seen as the mental capacity that provides the context for a secure child–parent attachment. It involves the ability to see things from the child's perspective and is based on insight into the child's motives, a complex view of the child and openness to new information about the child. To test our hypothesis that maternal insightfulness is related to maternal depression, we utilized the Insightfulness Assessment (IA) developed by Oppenheim and Koren-Karie to conduct and analyse interviews in which mothers discussed their perceptions of video segments of their interactions with their children. We compared the results of a control group of 30 mothers without a diagnosis of depression with a sample of 23 mothers diagnosed with depression (International Classification of Diseases, 10th Revision). As expected, depression was negatively related to maternal insightfulness."

Source: onlinelibrary.wiley.com Share what you have done to increase your mood and deal with depression by leaving a comment below or posting on our Facebook ParentingToolbox Page.

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