When Teens Start to Break Away
by Stephanie Romero | More from this Blogger
Last week I blogged about taking a break from your teen and how that is sometimes necessary. It had been kind of a rough couple of weeks, so it seemed to be good timing that my teen daughter was going away for the weekend.
I was surprised at myself that I was also looking forward to the break. Usually when my daughter goes away for more than a day, I am missing her. But my thought that I wouldn't miss her didn't last long...just a few hours into her being gone; I started to wish she was home.
Navigating through the parenting waters is never easy, especially when they become teens. But I have also come to realize that it can be even more difficult when it's a mother/daughter relationship.
There comes a point in your teen's life when they begin to take those steps of breaking away. Although it is usually a gradual progression, I think eventually the mom catches on that's it happening and there are usually two responses. One is to allow the natural process of that to happen and the other is to try and hang on. Guess which one I have been doing?
It wasn't until this past weekend that my daughter was gone; I was able to realize this about myself. While I had dismissed a comment she made in a text message about me trying to control something in her life, I was now realizing how true it was.
It was exactly what I was trying to do. I was trying to tell her how to live. But the fact is that she is learning how to do this on her own and I have to let her.
I wasn't sure what to expect when she came back. We have never experienced the discord between us that we had the previous couple of weeks. But it turned out to be good for both of us and we are right back where we left off (when things were good).
Now I am just carefully treading the waters, being cautious of what I say and how I respond. I am learning more and more to let go. But I will always have ready a safety line to pull her back in, should she need it.
Photo by matchstick in stock.xchng
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Ron Huxley's Sympathies: To all you parents of defiant, angry teenagers, here's some good advice from a fellow blogger: Take a break. It is OK to be glad to have space from your teen once in a while. We call it parenting respite! To often, most of the struggle with teenagers is enmeshment. We want something emotional from our teen that they are not going to give us. Developmentally, they are internally driven to seperate and not join with us. When you do get the cooperation, affection or appreciation, bask in it. It is all too often short-term. The good news is that teen age is a stage. It won't last forever. Take it from a father of four!
